Mom for a month

32 girls, 30 under the age of 18, 15 under the age of 13, and 1 gracious God.  As I near the end of week 2 of being “mom” at Project Talitha Cumi I can’t help but reflect on all I’ve learned and been able to experience in a mere 12 days.  I have been visiting this girls home since May, and was asked a few months back to “watch over the place” as the mom is in the United States.  The past two weeks have been a whirlwind, adventure, and something I would never trade.  Being in the role of mom here includes sewing jeans to make them tighter, dealing with crying 5 year olds who can’t find their socks, and drinking 2 cups of coffee all before 6:45 am.  To say I am qualified is a vast overstatement, but once again God has been so gracious in giving me an abundant amount of patience (something I usually lack so easily) as I sit with a kindergartner for four hours trying to get her to finish her homework and disciplining her appropriately when she disobeys, and older girls who have been beyond helpful and necessary in enforcing the rules and filling me in on the ways of the farm.

I ask that you would pray for my remaining time here- that the Lord would present me with more opportunities to witness to the girls through my actions and through what I say, that openings would arise to draw closer to each girl individually, and that I won’t get in any car accidents as I drive the bus to and from church 🙂

Blessings to all of you as you live your “normal” and a special shout out to stay-at-home moms/ dads!  Your work is appreciated!

Sweet Deysi

As I type this, sweet Deysi (pronounced Daisy) is sleeping on my chest. For every breath I take I can feel her tiny chest move up and down 8 times. Everything in her body is working so hard, just to allow her to do a basic function of life. She’s 6 months and just 8 pounds, has a hole in her heart measuring in at .8 cm, and has been taken from her mom due to the mom’s lack of knowledge and ability to care for her, yet Deysi is thriving. She is gaining weight, her hair is getting long and she smiles. The most precious smile I’ve ever seen. The Boyle daughters describe it as a smile you draw on your quick face sketches. You know, the one with a straight across top line and half moon bottom. It’s impossible to see that smile and not feel a grin start forming over your face. She’s been loved, that much I’m sure, and we’re lucky enough to be able to step alongside her and help her in the next stage of her life: finding an organization or doctor that can take on her case and literally change her life. If she was in the United States, this surgery would be performed tomorrow out of emergency, but due to the lack of qualified doctors in Honduras, she is left to use all her energy to breathe.

I ask that you would join me in praying for Deysi. Praying that divine appointments and connections would be made to find this girl the resources she needs. Whether that’s a medical visa to the U.S., an organization that will sponsor Deysi and her mom to come to the United States for the surgery, sustaining her until a medical brigade can come down and perform the surgery, or God simply closing the hole divinely, we ask and thank the Lord for what He will do!

Next steps

I want to thank everyone who has walked along side me in this journey and showered me with prayers and kind words.  They mean so much to me and encourage me daily.

I’m excited to continue my time at the girls’ home! I came back to San Pedro Sula this week to visit my friends and see Cassie and Harper who were here for a visit, as well as get some work for ROOM done, but this weekend I will return to the “orphanage” and stay until the Lord calls me back to San Pedro. I am still fully invested in ROOM. One major part of ROOM’s mission is orphanage care and I am lucky enough to be able to step into that position by helping an orphanage in need of an english teacher.

Please continue to pray for ROOM and their mission as they are doing incredible things and many awesome changes are taking place! I love the organization God had me start with and I’m excited to add to my experience by working with Such Is The Kingdom Ministries. I don’t know how long I’ll be there, but I know God will continue to use me to serve the beautiful children of Honduras.

Sweet Karla- her mom also lives at the home and does an incredible job of caring for her

Mileidi has one of the sweetest souls I have ever encountered

There are many sister pairs at the orphanage- one thing I love about Honduras is they do their best to keep sibling sets together!

Carmen and Rosa

Some of my kindergartners- some are from the community and some are from the home

A mothers touch

Being in the mountains at this girls’ home has been a whole montage of new experiences. When I think of my favorite part of the day, I smile thinking about my ten kindergarteners and how we begin our day. Every morning I wash their hair and braid it according to their desires. As I touch their silky, black hair I can’t help but feel as if I’m their mother, for this was my own mother’s comforting touch to me. Every Saturday night we would watch Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman and my mom would tightly braid my hair. The next morning we would take it out and go to church with curly hair. This was such a special tradition for me. I have no idea what the show was about, but I do remember how intricately my mom’s fingers worked through each strand of hair, how hard my mom tugged to make it the perfect braid without a bump that I so desired, and most of all, all four of us sitting together and enjoying the company of one another. This Mother’s Day, as I reflect on my 8 months I can do nothing but thank God for this experience. What a blessing and gift it was to raise a little boy for the first 4 and a half months of his life knowing nothing about motherhood, yet stepping into it because he needed a temporary mother to show him the love he so deserves. And oh how I got to experience the love, worry and passion a mother has for her sick boy as I spent night after night in the hospital with a 3 year old with cancer. I was able to sit there and just soak up the love he had to offer me with his big perfect smile that would light up the dull room. And now, stepping into the place of a mother with 48 precious girls. As with all my other experiences, there have been trials. I love being able to do their hair, yet the main reason we need to wash their hair is to work towards the never-ending task of getting rid of lice. But just as in any other circumstance, God’s hand has been over me, protecting me from what I can’t handle. Even though I daily wash, pick for lice and braid these girls’ hair, as well as let them play with mine, I have yet to get lice. But even if I do get it, I won’t hold back. I won’t tell them they can’t play with my hair or not show them the touch of a mother, because that’s what they deserve. A mother who is willing to sacrifice her comfort for their fun. A mother who is dedicated and will push them to be their best.  And most of all, a mother’s love and full attention.    

   

A typical day at Such Is The Kingdom Ministries

These crazy girls begin their day at 4 am. They take their shower and then go back to bed. I haven’t quite figured out why they do that, so I choose to sleep in until 6 when I hear them cleaning up the house, washing laundry, and doing homework. We all go over for breakfast and then have morning devotions. After a quick exercise time of 35 jumping jacks, the girls begin the washing dishes process.  

At 8, the girls begin their school day in the chapel with a time of worship and morning devotionals. The majority of the girls that attend the school are from our home, but there are a handful of girls from the community.  
 

 Then my teaching day begins! I am co-teaching with a Spanish teacher so she has her time and then I have my time of teaching English. These 10 little  kindergarteners are incredible and soak up everything I say.    

Once our school day is done it is time for chores around the farm! Lots of raking of pine needles, preparing dinner and baking for the older girls. These girls are incredible at making cakes, cinnamon rolls, coffee from their coffee plant, you name it! People from the community will even order cakes for special occasions. Today being the day before Mother’s Day meant a lot of baking and decorating.      

    

The day ends with a movie, sermon message online or fire and marshmallows. It’s incredible to see these 40 girls come together as a family and do their part to keep everything running smoothly. With only one house mom on staff (the director named Pam) the girls definitely need to hold their own and help one another. Pam is incredible. She shows unconditional love to each one of her girls and they all call her mama in return. She’s a hard worker who pushes her girls to seek the Lord daily and is inspirational to watch. I’m so thankful I have this time to learn under her leadership as well as get to know each one of these sweet girls. Thanks for your continued prayer and support! (p.s. it’s actually cold here!!)  

Living a pliable life

My latest prayer has been asking God to keep my heart soft and pliable to His divine will and purposes.  To be comforted in the change or lack of change He wants to make in my life. There’s plenty of times in the Bible where people didn’t follow God’s lead and reaped the negative repercussions. Think Jonah ending up in the belly of a big fish because he didn’t want to go to the city of Nineveh, Pharaoh’s heart being hardened because he wanted to continue enslaving God’s people, and King David not going to war and thus falling captive to sin with Bethsheba. 

James 1:13-15 says:

“When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”

So here I am. Deciphering what is temptation and what is God’s call on my life. What I want momentarily versus what God wants for me. I believe God has called me to help at an orphanage for a while. I am still a part of ROOM and I love everything they are doing to serve the abandoned children of Honduras, however I wanted to see a different side of orphan care. When I contacted the director of Such Is The Kingdom Ministries she immediately proclaimed their need for an English teacher for their kindergarteners. If they can learn enough English by the time they take their exams in July, they may be able to test into the bilingual school which opens a whole door of possibilities for their future. I’m looking forward to this opportunity and entrusting that God will give me the knowledge and ability to teach effectively. 

This is what I long for. To live in God’s amazing grace. I am 100% sure I will falter and make terrible decisions, but by seeking the will of the Lord with a pure heart, I trust that He will cover me and direct me down the path that will most glorify him. 
Bus that takes the older children to their bilingual school.  

The Refiner’s Fire: a time of transition

Hello family and friends!

It’s been a while since I’ve given you an update on my life in Honduras.  I moved out of the transition home in which I was caring for kids, and moved into a home with two of my friends and ministry partners!  (Notice the baby change- from Judah to Genny with some other little ones added in the middle)

 

As with any change, there are blessings and challenges. I love the independence I get in living in this house, but I lost my support system in the Murray family who returned to the United States.  Because they played such a vital role, a lot of things will be changing here in Honduras. Todd and Wendy (who take care of the other ROOM transition home) will go from two babies under the age of 6 months, to four babies under 9 months (including Papa and Genny). This means I will be helping them as much as I can to take care of all the precious kids in the new transition home.  I feel blessed to be able to partner with them and soak up all the knowledge and wisdom Todd and Wendy have to offer.

As I talked with my mom today she felt the words “Refiner’s Fire” on her heart because of the reality of the heat in Honduras as well as the image.  If steel could “feel”, it would hurt. Intensely.  From the inside and out.  It starts out as just a piece of steel called a billet and it needs to reach 15,000 degrees to make it pliable.  Then the refiner pounds on it with an anvil to form it into what he wants to make (usually some sort of tool). It’s like the steel is being broken down by the heat before being formed and then pounded into the tool that the refiner is creating.  As I physically struggle with the temperature of Honduras, I realize that it is not just that it is hot and unbearable uncomfortable for me, but that the heat actually is a part of what God is using to form me.  I am the steel and God is forming me into the woman He wants me to be for the use of His purpose.  With this transition there has been a lot of heartache as I lost my Honduran family.  Feelings of loss of purpose, and desire to do the work here are definitely frequent.  I ask that you would would pray for me emotionally and physically as I experience the refining fire God is having me go through for His purpose. Also, I would love it if you joined me in praying for my next steps in Honduras. I don’t know what they look like, but I continue to pray the same prayer: that God can use me for the work of His kingdom.

God bless you all and enjoy the cooler weather for me!

Sparrow Missions

I mentioned in my prior post (Life is “brutafull”) about Sparrow Missions. I LOVE this ministry! I have been privileged enough to join them with their weekly women’s bible study in the bordos.  It’s incredible to see these women get to know our Lord on a personal level.

    

Sparrow Missions also decided to create their own transition home! It is awesome that this idea is catching on, because the government is trying to take away the “foster to adopt” law, which means less people are interested in fostering.  We had Maria Yamilet in our care for one night and then she was placed in this transition home. She and another baby girl are receiving an outpour of love from the family who has answered the call to serve the children of Honduras in this way.

They also have a ministry where they teach guys how to be carpenters and they donated a crib for Papa! We are very appreciative of this awesome ministry.

Call to action: One way I would like to help them is by donating plastic chairs to their “house” in the bordo where the women have their bible study. It is awesome that each week they are growing and I firmly believe that if we provide more seats, God will move in the hearts of the women there to bring more women.  I want each woman who walks through the door to feel welcome and this is one way I would like to say “thank you” to their awesome ministry.  I am assuming each chair would cost $10 and I would like to get about 10 more. So if you would like to donate for this specific purpose please send a check to 5465 Vinewood Ln N Plymouth MN 55442 written out to Rebekah Holten and in the memo line put “Sparrow Mission chairs.” Thank you for continuing to pray for me and ROOMs ministry.  I greatly appreciate it and I LOVE the work I am able to do with them, but I want all of you to know about other awesome ministries in Honduras that are making a BIG impact in God’s kingdom.

My heart: pure and raw

Whoever said going to the mission field is fun, obviously didn’t stay very long.  The devil doesn’t play fair; he finds you at your weakest and attacks on it. But then you grow.  And you gain more knowledge then you ever believed you could.  The Lord has worked on my heart in multiple aspects since I’ve been here starting with my superiority complex, then the spirit of comparison, then patience and then back to my superiority complex.  Man isn’t it fun when you don’t fully learn it the first time so the Lord decides to come back to it!

I’ve always been a hard worker.  School never came easy to me, but I would study three times the amount of hours as my friends and the results would be rewarding.  I came into college being the worst runner on my team and by my junior year I was on the varsity team and an alternate for nationals. Hard work produces great reward. I learned that at an early age. And then I have my cheerleaders, mom and dad.  Constantly providing me with extra encouragement and telling me I am good enough, but also telling me to push the extra mile to get the goal I want. So when I came to the mission field I expected the same situation. I started out as one of the few volunteers and at a meeting it was made known that I was the “lowest on the ladder.”  I had my mom here, Cassie, speak truth over this statement saying there is no ladder on the mission field, we are all working for the same purpose, but her words washed over me and I set my eyes on finding my way up the ladder. In my beginning time in Honduras I was a gap filler.  When Anthony had to go to the hospital Cassie would go with him, but when someone needed to stay the night, I stepped in- yet beyond the thankfulness of Cassie and Kyle, I received no acknowledgement for the hours I spent with him in the public Honduran hospital. Then I raised a baby boy for 4 months of his life and when he went to his forever family I got a thank you, but a questioning eye as to my ability to raise a child and doubtfulness that I did a good job. I felt discouraged.  And I felt alone.

Then I remembered a test I took long ago: my love language is words of affirmation. I thrive on that and I work hard to seek these precious compliments.  God created me like this, yet I have a lot to learn about who to seek it from and the ways to go about it. There are people in life who are going to try to tear me down and then there are people who are going to say things that are meant to help others, but I will interpret them as diminishing my role.  This is my accountability. I can take those words and examine them in my heart, but if there is no place for them or if they are lies, I need to let go of those words.  I’m also learning who to trust.  Who am I seeking affirmation from? Is it someone who already believes I have done enough and AM enough because I am a child of the King, or is it someone who needs me to do something for them in order to hand out the compliment? Who is it that I want to be respected by and who do I want to be aligned with? These are the people I should be seeking encouragement and constructive criticism from.

The Lord created me.  He knows what I need to work on, so He put me in an environment that is a safe place to deal with superiority because there is no superiority.  We are all under the same umbrella and all came to Honduras for the same reason, to serve the children. I was called to serve, but in this house I am also being served through unconditional love, advice and affirmative comments.  I thank the Lord that I have been blessed with 6 months of living with Cassie and Kyle and all they have taught me and partnered alongside me in helping me grow.

“The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”  -Zephaniah 3:17

This is the next step in the process- rejoicing and being content in the affirmation and praise the Lord gives me and not seeking this from humans. However for now, I am seeking it from humans and I think that’s okay. That’s one of the reasons God created us to be in community- to build each other up and to love one another in whatever way we receive best. But I hope one day I can get my fulfillment of what I am doing just because the Lord says to me “well done good and faithful servant.”

Life is “brutafull”

My good friend sent me a Ted Talk video titled “Lessons from the Mental Hospital.”  In the video the speaker,  Glennon Doyle Melton, made a comment that “life is brutafull”  All I could think about was the validity of that statement.  This week a little boy named Samuel Matias was abandoned at the hospital.  He was brought to live with his great aunt who lives across the street from me until the potential adoptive family could get him.  My neighbor told me in shock that her niece had no emotion when she gave up the baby.  She seemed to have no care for this precious child she had held in her belly for 9 months; she didn’t even feel the need to see him.  My neighbor couldn’t imagine this: giving up your blood with no care in the World, yet I see the beauty in this.  A family who has been wanting a baby for so long, will now be able to hold their sweet precious son in 6 months when all the paperwork goes through.  The mother was selfless enough to give up her son, knowing that she couldn’t care for a fourth son at the young age of 20.  This is life; life is brutafull.

I had the privilege of joining Sparrow Ministries in the bordos on Monday.  The bordos are a community of shack-like little houses with tin roofs and torn blankets as the walls.  Each house is so close to the other that they are almost touching and these people live in extreme poverty and under the control of gangs.  As I entered the bordos I couldn’t help but think of the brutality they have probably encountered in their life, but by the time I had left, all I could see was the absolute beauty of the place.  I attended a women’s bible study where we started out clapping our hands and worshiping our Lord.  As people trickled in the room began to fill up.  Eventually there were no more seats and when a woman walked in with her baby a younger lady gave her seat up, and then the girl next to her gave her seat up.  These woman had close to nothing yet they were willing and wanted to give what little they have.  Their spirit of giving was definitely not lost on me as I remembered the story of the woman who wet Jesus’ feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.  She gave out of what little she had (Luke 7:36-50).  This woman led a sinful life, life had been brutal to her, yet she acted out of the beauty of her heart to glorify and honor her Savior.  This is what these ladies taught me that day.  That life is brutafull.  Amidst the brutality and sinful World, there is so much beauty and in the sinfulness, God’s beauty is made all the more evident.